Lost baby

Ok- I'm reflecting again... but its therapeutic to talk about the past as I wait for the future... this all occurred 3 years ago, after the birth of Devin. After Devin weaned herself at 6-7 mos old, somehow, I miraclously got pregnant about 1-2 months later. I was scheduled to donate blood that day, and it hit me that I was a few days late for my period. So, Devin & I went to the store early that morning and got a home pregnancy test. I couldn't believe my eyes- it said positive! The only time in my life I had seen a HPT with a positive (never did one during IVF). Jack was out of town and I couldn't get a hold of him till that evening. I told him Devin has something to tell him.. that she was going to be a big sister!!! He was so excited and exclaimed, "We did it- I didn't know we could!- I wish I could be there to give you a big hug right now!" We were both ectastic. I told my parents that night too- they were visiting and I couldn't keep it in! They thought I was kidding at first... everyone was so happy.

I got my first doctor appt scheduled for 3 weeks later- everything was going great and I felt great. I didn't tell anyone else about the pregnancy except my asst & my babysitter. I planned on telling everyone after the doctor appt. I went to the doctor appt by myself... I had been through 100's of doctors appts by myself- so I thought this was a "standard" thing. Well, when the nurse practitioner was ultrasounding me, she got very quiet... I know what that means... I do it myself when I know something very wrong is happening.... The client is chatting along happily and you have to gather your thoughts and all the information to prepare them for what you are about to say... There is no heartbeat. What's worse... she said the pregnancy looked completely normal and the uterus, fetus, placenta, amniotic fluid all looked normal. She thinks the baby died that morning. It was the exactly the size it should be at this stage in the pregnancy. I was stunned. I was so unprepared mentally for bad news. Usually, if I know there is a chance for bad news (all my infertility treatments), I am mentally prepared for bad news. I was not that day!!! What a blow. Jack wasn't even with me. I decided I wanted to wait a few days before doing anything "just in case" there was a slight chance she was wrong. I knew she wasn't though. I do ultrasound pregnancy checks for work and I knew there was no heartbeat.

A few days later, I went back to get another ultrasound. I was about 9 weeks pregnant. This time, I brought Jack with me. My body did not know the fetus had died. My uterus, pregnancy and placenta were growing, but the fetus was not. I had no signs of miscarriage. My pregnancy was getting bigger and I was told I needed to induce a miscarriage ASAP or would risk hemorrhaging. I know that was a possibility b/c the exact same thing happened to a vet friend of mine. Her baby died as well inside her and then she waited a week or so and ended up hemorrhaging while she was performing surgery! She had to go to the ER and have blood tranfusions. So, my options were to do a D& C or take some pills to induce a miscarriage. I opted for the pills. They gave me some pain pills too- bad idea, made me vomit. I know I will never be a drug addict b/c all meds with narcotics make me vomit. Actually, it did not hurt that much, but I thought it would happen all in one day (I took the day off work). Instead, it took about a week- that really sucked b/c I was working during that time. I constantly had to make stops to use the restroom when I was out on calls.

Unfortunately, my body was not wanting to give up on this pregnancy, and I had positive pregnancy tests for well over a month. I had to take HPT's to check my status (doctor wanted me to) and it was positive for about 6 weeks after the baby died.

At this point, I decided, if I got pregnant once "naturally", maybe I could again... So , we tried naturally for another 6 months....