These are my thoughts from 2001-2003 when trying to conceive my daughter Devin...
I finally found the man I wanted to spend my life with…. we are not just husband and wife, but best friends as well. We both had discussed having a family years before we tied the knot. This was a strong desire for both of us and we wanted to start “trying” soon after we married. Everyone told us to “wait a few months” before we tried to conceive, so we waited 4 months and started on our quest for a family. I figured since all my sisters and mother were extremely fertile, I would be too. I already had a list of names I wanted to name our children. Actually, I’ve had the list since my late 20’s before I even met Jack. I knew one day I’d have a family of my own and would write down names that I liked over the years.
Friends gave me all kinds of advice of “sure” ways to get pregnant. I have tried them all…. Counting the days in my cycle and counting both backward & forward to figure out my most fertile days. I was aware of every body sign possible that would indicate impending ovulation. I charted my body temperature everyday for a month. I used every brand of ovulation predictor test possible. I read books. I prayed. I asked friends and family to pray. We tried on vacations. I even woke my husband up many times when I came home late after emergencies. We tried, tried and tried some more.
After 10 months of trying, I went to my regular OB/GYN. He ordered fertility tests for both of us. One of the tests did show that I had an unusual dip in my uterus. But, otherwise, they didn’t find anything unusual and told us to keep trying. We gave it 100% effort for 5 more months. At this time, I had some hormonal tests which came back normal. We were referred to an infertility specialist. I had more blood tests done, more exams on Jack & myself, and an ultrasound. We decided to try superovulation treatments with artificial insemination. This involved 2-3 ultrasounds per cycle, 2 blood tests, taking pills, doing daily ovulation predictor tests, getting inseminated, giving myself an ovulation induction shot, and then twice daily vaginal suppositories. No success. Heartbreaking. Let’s try again…. This time we add 4 more injections that I have to give myself in the stomach. Tough mentally to do- but not too painful. I can deal with it if it gives us a child. My period comes again. Tough to deal with all those hopes being dashed again. Jack and I try another treatment cycle, again I end up with disappointment. We decide to try one more time….I have a few complications this time, including days of abdominal discomfort. They tell me its because of the large number of follicles I produced. Just in case, I go in for a recheck. Again, I am met with disappointment after all those shots, pills, ultrasounds, suppositories. My hopes once again dashed at the end of the month. We decide to take a break for a month from the intense treatments and month after month disappointments.
In May, we met again with our regular infertility specialist and also got a 2nd opinion at Mayo Clinic- one of the best clinics in the country. On ultrasound, we discover I have fewer than normal follicles on my ovaries as well as my septate uterus. We decide we want to go ahead and try in-vitro fertilization (IVF) at Mayo Clinic. Before they do that, they want to further investigate the shape of my uterus. We wait almost 6 weeks to get all the paper work exchanged between clinics. They order an MRI. This is inconclusive, and I need to go in again. They discuss surgery with us about “fixing” my abnormally shaped uterus. We are told again and again this is not the cause of my infertility. So, after much research, thought, discussion, and prayer- we decide not to do the surgery and just try IVF. My first blood tests are ordered the week we are on vacation. We pre-plan and get my blood drawn at a hospital an hour away and get it shipped back to Mayo. Two weeks later, I come in for my preliminary tests to do IVF. I am told that I have a large cyst on my right ovary, still have less than normal number of follicles on my ovaries, and one of my hormone levels is higher than normal. Ugh.. what next?! They will have to post-pone the IVF. Jack and I go ahead and have our blood drawn to screen for infectious diseases (a requirement for IVF). We are also put on antibiotics as a preventative measure. In September, I go in again for another ultrasound. The cyst is still there and my follicle levels are still low. I need to wait another month. Meanwhile, over the last 6 months, we are still trying “naturally” every month- just in case that 1% chance I do get pregnant on my own.
Those well-meaning quips are getting hard to take…. “Just relax and you’ll get pregnant.” “You need to take a cruise and you’ll get pregnant.” “Don’t think about it.” “If you just adopt, you’ll get pregnant.” “You better hurry up, you’re getting older.” “Don’t you want to have kids?” “When are you gonna have kids?” “Do you want children?” Usually, I can deal with the questions okay, and have a quick witty response ready. But, other days, its tough and I put on a fake smile. “Still trying”. “We are working on it” All my friends and family are passing me by. People who started to trying the same time I did- now have 18 month old kids and are pregnant with their next. Friends who told me when I started to try that they were going to wait awhile- have already had a baby.
Finally, in Oct 2003, they perform some final tests... endometrial biopsy, blood tests, ultrasound.. and give me the go- ahead to start IVF....
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