After IVF failed for the 2nd time in Oct 06, we decided we had enough of infertility treatments and the drain on our finances. We had strongly considered embryo adoption and were offered embryos from a close friend. But, we decided against it b/c I was through with disappointments. I wanted a "sure thing" even if it meant waiting longer. I just couldn't go through with either failure to get pregnant or worse, miscarrying again. Idid a lot of research on embryo adoption, domestic adoption, foster adopt, and international adoption. We chose international adoption b/c we felt it was our best chance of having a healthy child and more of a sure thing- not a matter of if, but when. With domestic adoption, statistics show up to 50% of birthmothers change their mind at the last minute. I just couldn't deal with that. Mentally, I couldn't deal with failure to get pregnant or miscarrying again- so that ruled out embryo adoption. As for foster adopt, we chose not to b/c we have talked with many parents who have had a rough journey... either the birth mom wants the child back, or the children have behavioral problems, etc. I didn't want a situation where we would love a child and then the child would go back to the birth parents. Also, we are older parents and felt that international adoption was our best chance of having a young child. I'm not saying international adoption is easy and may not be for everyone- but it seemed like a good choice for us.
I joined some Yahoo chat groups and researched international adoption on the internet. We went to an informational meeting by Children's Hope International (an adoption agency). I contacted many adoptive parents to learn their experiences with adoption agencies, different countries, etc. After choosing to adopt internationally, our first decision was to choose a country. If you had asked me 1-2 years ago if I would be adopting from Vietnam... I would have never thought so. There are several reasons why we chose Vietnam.... First, China's wait was too long (now up to 3-4 yrs from start to finish). So, China was eliminated as an option. We are an older couple and didn't want to wait that long. Plus, I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter and I wanted our children to be closer in age (if possible). We are too old for Guatemala and South Korea. So, that eliminated those countries. I didn't like the way Russia & Kazakhstan did international adoption. It didn't seem very trustworthy and they didn't take good care of their orphans (IMO). The children seemed to have more problems than I wanted to deal with, and I heard of some adoptive parents having some big issues adopting from those countries. Through process of elimination, we were down to Vietnam or Ethiopia. At the time, Ethiopia was still not officially open to international adoption- so we wanted a little more stable program. We both felt very confortable with the culture, race and country of Vietnam. From the information I got from other adoptive parents, most of the children in Vietnamese orphanages are well cared for and have less attachment disorders than other countries (like Russia & Kasakhstan). And, of course, they would adopt to an older couple. So, Vietnam it is.
After choosing Vietnam, we then had to pick a homestudy agency and international adoption agency. Again, I researched the internet, contacted adoptive parents through Chat groups (APV- Adoptive Parents Vietnam)and by phone, and spoke to friends who have adopted internationally. This helped us choose our agencies. We chose Oasis Adoption Services in Tucson to do our homestudy. They came highly recommended and we had a great experience with them. We chose VORF (Vietnamese Orphan Relief Fund) as our international agency. We chose VORF b/c of their humanitarian work, shorter wait times, good reputation, great Vietnam facilitator (GT Le), and good references (I contacted at least a dozen people).
This all took place Jan-Feb 07. After our failed IVF in Oct O6, I decided to just let things be for a few months to allow myself time to grieve about not having my own biological child or getting pregnant again. In my next blog, I will write about our adoption process this past year....
1 comment:
I'm with your same agency and to went through many years of infertility. people who have not gone through it don't truly undersatnd the grief and emotional strain it puts on someone. I'm excited to hear about your new journey to become an adoptive parent.
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