Sometimes ya just need your mom

Yup... sometimes ya just need your mom, no matter how old you are. I finally got to talk to my mom today. I hadn't spoken to her in a week.... missing each other when I called. It was so good to talk to her. She just makes me feel better. She gave me some good advice with Devin... and just made my problems seem like nothing I can't handle. Devin had a pretty good day yesterday (after my "stressed" blog)and a better day today. I feel much better today. Like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders. She is eating better and is happier. Thus, I feel better and feel happier.

Talking to my mom is bittersweet. We laugh, we cry. We talked about my dad... my mom got over 100 cards saying what a great guy he was...always happy, smiling and upbeat. It made my mom proud. I talked to her about a dream I had the other night about my dad... I could see him and we were talking. It seemed so real. Then, in my dream, I realized it wasn't real and started sobbing in my dream. Then, I woke up and was sad. We both talked about how my dad being gone seems like a dream we should wake up from.

Overall, I just feel relieved today. Talking to my mom. Devin feeling and eating better. Kyle being a good boy talking up a storm. He was so sweet this morning. He got in bed with me this morning and snuggled up with me. Then, I said I had to get ready for work... he said "one more minute Mommmy". So cute. Gonna go read my library book about dealing with worried kids. :)

Devin's choking incident

OK- If I don't have enough drama and sadness in my life right now... my daughter, Devin, choked on a piece of ice about 2 1/2 weeks ago. She was eating a cup of crushed ice, and a large piece got lodged in her throat and Jack had to do the Heimlich to unlodge it. Thank God we were sitting right there! Needless to say, it scared her (and us) badly. She slept with us the first couple nights and I thought she was doing ok. Not so.

Over the last 2 weeks, she has had nightmares, wet her pants twice, and has increasingly had anxiety over eating solid foods. It has been a nightmare. I tried calling my pediatrician, but they want to refer to a behavioral specialist. Jack is fairly admament about not taking her to a specialist. I am having great anxiety over this. Jack says I am like Elliott and Devin is like ET. I FEEL her pain and anxiety. She is a part of me and I have great difficulty if she is not doing well. She takes forever to eat, only eats small bites, soft food or liquids only, and chews forever before swallowing. She has had quite a few tantrums these last 2 weeks. We went out and bought her lots of soft food options, have to sit with her when she is eating, and we recite "positive affirmations" with her before eating.

Jack and I don't see eye to eye about taking her to a specialist. I will give it a few more days - but then I am taking her. It causes me great stress and I have trouble concentrating at home & work. I am having trouble sleeping and many times feel like crying. Part of my sadness is still because of my dad's death. I am still very sad about it and having a hard time dealing with this too. I want my happy girl back!!!