Kyle's Baby Shower

This is photo I took of our family last night before the baby shower for Kyle. Our good friends Dan & Lynne hosted a "Jack & Jill" baby shower for us last night. It was a lot of fun and made it seem more real that we will actually get Kyle soon. I know this sounds weird... but it really hit home to open up boy gifts instead of girl stuff... we are going to have a boy! Of course, Devin had to open up all the gifts and just had a ball eating cake and being the center of attention. We got a lot of cute boy gifts and clothes... Here are a few pictures....

Ok- here is a little pitty party for myself...This morning I just read in my Yahoo Chat group another family has been approved and are traveling soon to pick up their daughter. At this point, I am having a little bit of a hard time feeling happy for other people. I know that sounds selfish, but I want it to be our turn now. People are passing me by (once again) and the wait is starting to get to me. No one seems to give us much info or know much about why our wait is so long. All I know is, our son is in the Quang Nam province, and there has been only one approval from our agency in this province since January. Its making me a little worried,but our agency is not saying much to appease these worries. I am a VERY patient person... but I have to say my patience is about gone. I am getting impatient and frustrated. If they would give me more info- I would feel better. We are now at 45 working days. Our 60 working days is up on July 21st. Keep us in your prayers...

Organizing while I wait for Kyle

Nothing much changes huh?! The second photo is Devin at 7 1/2 months old eating some sort of green vegetable... or should I say wearing it? Isn't she a cutie?! The first photo was taken this morning. Devin truly is Pig Pen from Charlie Brown. She can get any shirt dirty and eat anything and get it all over herself. Thus, why she is in the high chair- to try to keep the mess from getting all over my house! :) I don't even buy white shirts any more- just can't keep them clean no matter how much bleach and spray cleaner I use. We went to the grocery store this morning and she begged me to get brownie mix and make them when we got home. Girl loves chocolate- just like her Mom! Can't blame her for that one- its in the genes.

Anyway, we are still patiently waiting for Kyle. We are now on working day 40. So, I figured I would spring clean while I wait. I am going through all Devin's old clothes-dividing them into clothes to give to Big Brothers/ Big Sister, clothes to keep, and clothes to take to the used clothing store for store credit. Since Devin has been growing like a weed these last 6 months and also tends to destroy a lot of her clothes, I have become a big fan of the used clothing stores. They are very popular here and there are at least 3 within 10 miles of my house. Since she outgrows all her clothes about every 3-4 months- its nice to not pay so much for a whole new wardrobe every few months. We still buy her some new clothes - but I am not too proud to get slightly used stuff either. Plus, its 113 degrees today (and all week)- so gotta do stuff indoors. Also, going through my own closets and finally letting go of the last of my maternity clothes. I kept holding on to them "just in case"... but, the reality is... I've been off birth control for 4 years (actually 7-but who's counting?!) Also, going through toys and books and trying to organize. Figure- might as well do it now... won't have time once Kyle gets here...

Well, this post isn't very exciting... but we are trying to bide our time while we wait to go pick up Kyle. Hopefully, we will hear some good news soon. On a good note, my co-workers are having a baby shower for me next weekend before Kyle comes. Should be fun. Krista, my sister-in-law is also planning on having a party after we bring Kyle home. Everyone is very excited for us and can't wait to meet him.

Reasons for Vietnam adoptions

As we all know, Vietnamese adoptions will temporarily cease between the US & Vietnam on Sept 1, 2008. The reasons for this stated by the USCIS is corruption, fraud, and baby selling. I have read the articles and a few of the cases of "baby selling" which they refer to. Here is the thing... the cases they refer to are the same ones repeated over and over again. Plus, the cases they refer to were fixed during the process (ie. the babies were returned to their birthmother). I'm not saying some unethical things were not done during this time. Any time money is involved, there will be someone who wants to take advantage of the poor and weak. However, none of these articles tell the other side of the story. There ALWAYS is another side to every story.


I would like to talk about the other side of the story. Statistics show there are between 500,000- 2 million orphans in Vietnam. Most of these orphans are not available for adoption. There recently has been a large number of abandoned babies (vs relinquishments- where the birthmother is known). Why is this? Well, if you look into the Vietnamese culture, the country is becoming more modern, but the people still hold a lot of the old value systems. It is still considered shameful to be an unwed mother (equal to the 1950's here in the US) and many of the people are still very poor (with annual salaries of $300-500 per year). This has led to an epidemic of abortions (Vietnam has one of the highest abortion rates in the world) and abandoned babies. There are estimates of tens of thousands of babies who die after being abandoned at birth. You can see the article... http://daily.vietnamtravelnews.net/features/10/37468.

Many of the orphanages have places near them which are considered "safe havens" to drop off babies where the nannies can easily find them. We have similar places in the US where babies can be dropped off at hospitals with no questions asked and no persecution of the birthmother. These places are known in the small towns and villages. Since it is shameful to have an unwed baby, the birthmothers will drop off their child- but dont' want their identity known to the community.

As for the baby selling topic, I think this topic is a lot more grey than black & white. For example, one case states a Vietnamese birthmother getting paid $300 for her child. This is considered "baby selling" by the US. This birthmom used that money to pay her doctor bills and for food. Moreover, she said she was agreeable to giving up her child for adoption. I think this policy is somewhat hypocritical by the US government. In the US, birthmothers are frequently given money by the adoptive parents- as well as having their doctor's bills and rent paid - sometimes up to $10,000. We don't consider giving the birthmother money baby selling here... so why do we consider it baby selling there?

Moreover, who do you think financially supports these orphanages? Most of the orphanages are financially supported by donations from international adoptive parents. Without the money coming in, these orphanages and the children will suffer from lack of funds.

I truly hope the US & Vietnamese governments can come to an agreement to allow international adoptions to continue for the sake of these children. These allegations of baby selling, corruption and fraud are not as black and white as the US government makes it seem. There are many more factors involved- and it is a much more complex issue than it seems on the surface.

Waiting for I-600 Approval

Well, we are still waiting... it's like watching water boil. We are supposed to get approval from the USCIS within 60 WORKING days. We are now at 35 working days and 50 regular days. The cut-off for 60 working days is July 25th. Some people from my agency who got their referrals at the same time as me, have already been approved and are traveling later this month. However, their children are in a different orphanage. My son is in a province which has been delayed ...Murphy's law... just my luck. I guess God figured- she's waited this long, what's another couple months just to REALLY test her patience?! We have our bi-annual family reunion scheduled for late July. Knowing my luck, we will be traveling then. The ONLY week of the year which I don't want our travel to Vietnam to be scheduled. But, since I have such great luck in this area- I'm sure I will miss it. And, I really want to see my family and wanted Kyle to be with us! It takes place in San Diego and I am hoping to take Devin to Disneyland and Sea World. Plus, we are celebrating my parent's 50th wedding anniversary. Another bonus with all this... fuel prices are at an all time high-so it will literally cost us a small fortune to fly to Vietnam this summer.

On a good note.... I FINALLY got updated pictures of Kyle a few days ago. I almost didn't recognize him- he has grown so much!! It was a comfort to get some updated photos of him. Of course, I scrutinize them to death. He looks healthy and gaining weight well. Unfortunately, I don't have one photo where he is smiling. He has dozens of mosquito bites on him... poor little punkin. Obviously, they don't have air conditioning at the orphanage... so they leave windows/ doors open. Little guy is too small to swat them or scratch them.

Our facilitator, GT Le, also requested copies of all our passports. So, I'm taking this as a good sign. People ask me how I can stand the wait... isn't it driving me crazy? My answer is... it's out of my control. I can't do anything about it... so, no use worrying about something I have no control over. I try to keep myself busy at work, with Devin, and other activities. Since I have 2 dogs, 3 horses, 2 cats, a daughter and a messy husband, and very busy job... I don't get bored and the time passes fairly quickly. Here is a couple funny pictures of Devin... one with a t-shirt which pretty much sums up my life, and the next 2 of Devin in the bathtub goofing around...

Good-bye, Faithful Friend

Good-bye to our faithful friend, Jake.

Jake went to Heaven yesterday. He was not feeling well for the last 2 weeks and was diagnosed with abdominal cancer. He had a large tumor in his abdomen and suddenly developed ascites (abdominal fluid) and pleural effusion (fluid around the lungs) over the last 2 days. He was having trouble breathing and went down hill very fast. We had to euthanize him yesterday... we had no choice. It was very sad for us and it still is difficult to think about it. He was truly a member of the family.

Jake was 12 1/2 years old. Jack has had him longer than he has had me! Of course, I welcomed him as a family member and he was "adopted" by me as a family member when Jack and I started dating 10 years ago. I took him to a small animal vet yesterday morning and then to the office with me yesterday. I had to call Jack "on emergency" because he was failing so fast- I did not think he would make it home for Jack to say good-bye. Jack had to cancel some important meetings and rush over to my clinic to say good-bye to Jake. It crushed us. We took him home and buried him and took the rest of the day off.

I tried to explain to Devin about Jake- but, she really doesn't understand. I told her Jake was very sick and died and went to Heaven. Devin & I are making him a grave stone with his name and dates on it. For those of you who are animal lovers, you will understand. For those of you who are not... they are truly members of our family. This sums it up... When I ask Devin who is our family members... she says, "Chase, and Chisum, and Moon, and Jake, and Bear, and Natalie, and Bo, and Roxy, and Mommy and Daddy, and Devin." She got it right.

Good-bye our dear friend Jake. Say Hi to Austin in Heaven- we miss him too.

IVF #3

Well, we are still waiting to hear news about when we can pick up Kyle. No news. So, I will reflect on my last attempt with infertility treatments in 2006. After our 2nd failed attempt, I was at a crossroads b/c I didn't want to use the same doctors as before (ARMS). I was doing some research and found my previous doctor (Dr. Ketan Patel) from Mayo! Yea. Jack and I had some long (and heated) discussions about spending more money for one last attempt. After some begging on my part, he agreed. So, we made an appt with Dr. Patel and started again... I really like him and would highly recommend him. He is very personable and thorough and CARING! He calls you back HIMSELF (not a nurse practitioner) and really listens to you when you talk. I think these traits are very important during this stressful and sensitive time in your life. We started all the preliminary tests again in Aug 06... yes, we have to repeat tests once again... ultrasounds, FSH levels, infectious diseases (again), semen analysis (again), etc.... I started all the shots and meds in September and we had the egg retrieval in October. I even had acupuncture done at the time of egg retrieval (its supposed to increase your odds of success). I was willing to try ANYTHING! Unfortunately, once again I didn't have many good eggs and only 3 fertilized (with ICSI- intracytoplasmic sperm injection- say that fast 3 times!) They put all 3 embryos in ... and then we wait... They switched back to intramuscular progesterone injections- those are big needles .. 1.5 inches in the hips and buttocks! Kinda hurts and leaves bruises. Anyway, we waited and then the big day for our blood test... Negative. So disappointing. I was crying and Jack left work early. I knew at this point our journey to have another biological child was over. Dr. Patel thougth at this point our chances of having a biological child was less than 5%. It was hard to give up that dream move on. I was very sad and we decided to not think about things for the next few months over the holidays. Of course, people are still asking me the same old questions everyday.... but I just needed time to think for awhile and let my body get off all those hormones.

I look back at the photos of me during that time and I was retaining SO much water. I looked really fat- faced during that whole year... during the pregnancy/miscarriage and IVF attempts... All those hormones really took a toll on my body. I was working out and not losing any weight. Anyway, the next few months during my "thinking" time... the extra 10 lbs literally just melted off my body once I was off all the hormones. I looked and felt so much better. I was done with all the injections/treatments and hormones. Jack and I decided adoption was our next step for another child. We realized we wanted another child and being biological was not as important as I thought... so that is where we are today...