I-600 Receipt!

I got a great email this morning...the receipt for my I-600! This is an official receipt of my Petition to Classify an Orphan as an immediate Relative from the USCIS. Now, the USCIS investigates to be sure my son qualifies as an orphan and that there is no fraud taking place (which occurs in any developing country). The investigation can take up to 60 working days but recently its been taking about 6 weeks... So, we will see.... I am very excited. Now, the countdown to get Kyle is officially on. :) Jack and I have been talking about the I-600 and Kyle this morning and Devin asks, "Are we gonna get Kyle today? Can we see him all day long?" She doesn't really understand time... but I tell her, "We are getting brother soon." Once our I-600 is approved, most families usually travel within 2 weeks after approval. So, maybe late June or early July?? If so, we would be able to bring Kyle to my family reunion this summer and he could meet his grandparents, cousins and Aunts and Uncles!!

Here are some happy photos of Devin & Bear playing fetch... she is a true animal lover (follows after her mommy) and just loves cuddling with the cats and playing with the dogs. Bear is so good with her. I am such a labrador lover... they are such great family dogs. The bad thing about them is they like to chew up everything. The good thing is the don't like to chew up kids. :)

Still Waiting...

Haven't written much about the adoption lately because there is not much to report. That is why I have been reflecting on my past journey with infertility. We are still waiting for our I-600 to be filed. We Fed-Exed it 3 weeks ago. It has not been filed yet. We have been told sometime this month. Once its filed, the countdown is on. I have sent emails to friends and family to encourage our politicians to speed things up. I got a letter back today from Senator Jon Kyl who has forwarded my letter on to the appropriate people to help speed up this delayed process.

I was optimistically hoping to travel in June- but it does not look that way. I think July or August is more likely. Of course, that is not the best time for me to take off at work b/c my boss has not hired another intern. I don't know why he is not more pro-active, but he will be in big trouble if me and the other vet are gone at the same time. I plan on taking at least 6 weeks off "maternity leave" when we go to get Kyle. I need time to travel, bring him home, and adjust to our new home and bond. Plus, I need to find him a daycare provider b/c my current one doesn't take infants. I plan on doing this after I get him.

I have not gotten any recent photos of Kyle. He is now 5 1/2 months old. I wonder how big he is now and what size will he be wearing when we get him? Last photos were a month ago when another person from my agency went to travel to Kyle's orphanage to pick up her daughter. She brought some gifts for Kyle (a stuffed puppy, blanket and rattle) and took some updated photos for me. How cool is that?! Gotta love the internet and Yahoo groups.

I sent some more gifts for him to another person from our agency to give to him when she goes to pick up her son. She has not traveled yet and is still waiting for her I-600 to be approved. When she goes, she will try to get some updated photos of Kyle for me. These may be the only infant photos I will get of my son! I have asked my agency for updated photos- but have not received any since his referral in February.

So, now I will go back to my infertility journey until I hear more news...

IVF #1

Ok- so I left off right before our first IVF. I started my IVF cycle in October 2003. This process included meeting with a psychologist (to make sure we could mentally deal with the stress of infertility). I thought that was odd... its a little late at this point... since I've been doing infertility diagnostics and treatment for 2 1/2 years.. but whatever, we met with him. I had to have a mock transfer done (sonohistogram)- to determine where to put the embryos. Jack had another semen evaluation & freeze back up sample. Just in case the man gets performance anxiety the day of IVF :). Next, we had to meet with a financial advisor to go over payments and how much of my bank account they were going to take... Then, we had to meedt with a the nurse to go over my protocol. Then, we meet with the doctor to go through the final logistics... including how many embryos to transfer, what are you going to do with the extra ones, what happens to the embryos if one of the partners dies or get a divorce... Jack and I had to sit down and seriously think about all these important ethical decisions.... Stuff you don't think you will be deciding when you get married. Of course, they give you all the risks and possible complications. We decided to transfer 2-3 embryos and freeze the remainder for future use for ourselves. I didn't want to be one of those couples on Discovery Channel with 6 kids.

I won't go through all the details of IVF- but let's just say I was on LOTS of medications which I had to inject into my stomach and thighs and take orally 1-2 x per day for the 6 weeks prior to the egg retrieval day. My darling husband cannot give a shot... so I had to give myself all my own shots. Mostly its a mental thing.... don't get me wrong... they hurt a little... but just sticking yourself with a needle can be mentally hard at first. I tried to have Jack do it.. he practiced on pillows and a cucumber. Let's just say he broke out in a sweat, got all nervous and shaky, and it wasn't pretty. He tried but chickened out when I told him to stick the 1 1/2" needle in my buttocks/ hip area. So, I had to do them myself.

My egg retrieval date was Dec 2, 2003. I was put under general anesthesia. They retrieved 13 eggs of which only 11 were mature. I promptly vomited when I got home from all the drugs. Yuck. My abdomen hurt for a few days and I got some pain meds for it- but they made me feel kinda shaky and woozy. Three days later, we were told only 5 of the eggs fertilized and only 2 were good qualilty. The other 3 were not going to make it. :(. So, we transferred the 2 good ones and hoped for the best. I was bummed--- no extra embryos for later. Two weeks later we did a blood test for pregnancy. I was so nervous all day I could barely concentrate at work. At the end of the day, we were supposed to call the nurse at a designated time for our results. I backed out at the last minute and asked Jack to call and tell me. We decided to call together. I couldn't believe my ears when I heard "positive". I cried so much ... I'm glad Jack heard the results on the other line or he wouldn't have been able to tell if my tears were happy or sad. :) A few days later, we had another blood test and my numbers were going up and things were looking good. As 6 weeks, we had an ultrasound and heard Devin's heartbeat for the first time. It was music to my ears. We were so happy. I was on progesterone injections for a total of 8 weeks... I was glad when those were done. My hips/ buttocks were badly bruised and sore.

Of course, as you all know, Devin was born in August 2004. She is truly a miracle child and we are forever grateful for her.

My Struggle with Infertility- part 1

These are my thoughts from 2001-2003 when trying to conceive my daughter Devin...

I finally found the man I wanted to spend my life with…. we are not just husband and wife, but best friends as well. We both had discussed having a family years before we tied the knot. This was a strong desire for both of us and we wanted to start “trying” soon after we married. Everyone told us to “wait a few months” before we tried to conceive, so we waited 4 months and started on our quest for a family. I figured since all my sisters and mother were extremely fertile, I would be too. I already had a list of names I wanted to name our children. Actually, I’ve had the list since my late 20’s before I even met Jack. I knew one day I’d have a family of my own and would write down names that I liked over the years.

Friends gave me all kinds of advice of “sure” ways to get pregnant. I have tried them all…. Counting the days in my cycle and counting both backward & forward to figure out my most fertile days. I was aware of every body sign possible that would indicate impending ovulation. I charted my body temperature everyday for a month. I used every brand of ovulation predictor test possible. I read books. I prayed. I asked friends and family to pray. We tried on vacations. I even woke my husband up many times when I came home late after emergencies. We tried, tried and tried some more.

After 10 months of trying, I went to my regular OB/GYN. He ordered fertility tests for both of us. One of the tests did show that I had an unusual dip in my uterus. But, otherwise, they didn’t find anything unusual and told us to keep trying. We gave it 100% effort for 5 more months. At this time, I had some hormonal tests which came back normal. We were referred to an infertility specialist. I had more blood tests done, more exams on Jack & myself, and an ultrasound. We decided to try superovulation treatments with artificial insemination. This involved 2-3 ultrasounds per cycle, 2 blood tests, taking pills, doing daily ovulation predictor tests, getting inseminated, giving myself an ovulation induction shot, and then twice daily vaginal suppositories. No success. Heartbreaking. Let’s try again…. This time we add 4 more injections that I have to give myself in the stomach. Tough mentally to do- but not too painful. I can deal with it if it gives us a child. My period comes again. Tough to deal with all those hopes being dashed again. Jack and I try another treatment cycle, again I end up with disappointment. We decide to try one more time….I have a few complications this time, including days of abdominal discomfort. They tell me its because of the large number of follicles I produced. Just in case, I go in for a recheck. Again, I am met with disappointment after all those shots, pills, ultrasounds, suppositories. My hopes once again dashed at the end of the month. We decide to take a break for a month from the intense treatments and month after month disappointments.

In May, we met again with our regular infertility specialist and also got a 2nd opinion at Mayo Clinic- one of the best clinics in the country. On ultrasound, we discover I have fewer than normal follicles on my ovaries as well as my septate uterus. We decide we want to go ahead and try in-vitro fertilization (IVF) at Mayo Clinic. Before they do that, they want to further investigate the shape of my uterus. We wait almost 6 weeks to get all the paper work exchanged between clinics. They order an MRI. This is inconclusive, and I need to go in again. They discuss surgery with us about “fixing” my abnormally shaped uterus. We are told again and again this is not the cause of my infertility. So, after much research, thought, discussion, and prayer- we decide not to do the surgery and just try IVF. My first blood tests are ordered the week we are on vacation. We pre-plan and get my blood drawn at a hospital an hour away and get it shipped back to Mayo. Two weeks later, I come in for my preliminary tests to do IVF. I am told that I have a large cyst on my right ovary, still have less than normal number of follicles on my ovaries, and one of my hormone levels is higher than normal. Ugh.. what next?! They will have to post-pone the IVF. Jack and I go ahead and have our blood drawn to screen for infectious diseases (a requirement for IVF). We are also put on antibiotics as a preventative measure. In September, I go in again for another ultrasound. The cyst is still there and my follicle levels are still low. I need to wait another month. Meanwhile, over the last 6 months, we are still trying “naturally” every month- just in case that 1% chance I do get pregnant on my own.

Those well-meaning quips are getting hard to take…. “Just relax and you’ll get pregnant.” “You need to take a cruise and you’ll get pregnant.” “Don’t think about it.” “If you just adopt, you’ll get pregnant.” “You better hurry up, you’re getting older.” “Don’t you want to have kids?” “When are you gonna have kids?” “Do you want children?” Usually, I can deal with the questions okay, and have a quick witty response ready. But, other days, its tough and I put on a fake smile. “Still trying”. “We are working on it” All my friends and family are passing me by. People who started to trying the same time I did- now have 18 month old kids and are pregnant with their next. Friends who told me when I started to try that they were going to wait awhile- have already had a baby.

Finally, in Oct 2003, they perform some final tests... endometrial biopsy, blood tests, ultrasound.. and give me the go- ahead to start IVF....

Adoption Timeline

Here is timeline of my adoption over last year...

Jan- Feb 07: Research adoption and pick home study agency & international adoption agency

Feb 26, 2007 : First fingerprints of me & my husband for homestudy

March 3-4,2007: International Adoption Class- 2 full days for adoptive parents to attend- required for our homestudy

Feb- May 2007: Homestudy paperwork/ requirements (all done by me-not hubby- he just signs on the dotted line or I tell him what is needed to be done). The homestudy requirements are extensive and include:

• Homestudy application
• State fingerprint clearance
• Adoption class completed
• Home study contract
• Autobiography - this is huge and is 10 type written pages with specific Q & A's that needed to be addressed
• Family photo
• Financial statements
• Medical reports- both adoptive parents need to get physical exams by our doctor and then have them fill out paperwork to say we are healthy, etc... to adopt
• Child Protective Services clearance letter
• Application for Certification to Adopt- sent to Clerk of the Court
• Five reference letters (with specific topics needing to be covered in letter) from two relatives and 3 friends sent to homestudy agency
• Photocopies of marriage license, W-2 forms, birth certificates, investments
• Letter from our pediatrician saying our daughter is current on exam & vaccines (Do you know how hard it is to get a letter from a doctor's office?! It took me 2 months of harrassing the staff to get a letter that was 2 sentences long!)
• 2 seperate home visit/inspections with interviews by a case-worker

May 12 & 13, 2007 : Homestudy interviews/ home inspection - after all the paperwork & requirements fulfilled and interviews/ inspection done- then homestudy is sent into state for state approval to adopt

June 6, 2007 : State approved to adopt- start on dossier documents for international adoption

June 2007- Sent in documents for I-600A (Pre-application to adopt a child from a forein country)- these documents include, once receive these documents- you will be notified of appt with USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services) for another fingerprint appt by USCIS-

• copy of birth certificates of adoptive parents (by the way- we had to send off for more copies of Jack's)
• copy of marriage certificate (had to get more from Hawaii)
• original copy of Homestudy
• MONEY
• I-600A application

July 7, 2007 : USCIS fingerprint appt

July 15, 2007: I-171H approval (Approved by USCIS to adopt an orphan internationally)

Vietnam Dossier- this is a foreign dossier- a collection of documents that need to be sent to your international adoption agency & Vietnam to be approved to adopt from their country.They include:

• Application to adopt from Vietnam
• Committment of Periodical Form (committment to adopt)
• Copy of all Passports- We had all our passports done in April 2007 (entire family went to get done on a Sat morning- took 1/2 day - if you have a minor both parents have to go with child to get done)
• Original Copies of Marriage license (had to request in spring from Hawaii for more copies)- all had to be authenticated & notarized by state of Hawaii)
• Original copies of Homestuday- notarized
• I-171H approval
• Medical statements from Physician for both adoptive parents
• Local Police clearance- separate letters from local police for both parents- had to each go separately down to police station to get these letters)
• Employment letters- both parents need letter from employers
• Power of Attorney

After all the dossier documents are compiled, we had to get all documents notarized (my bank notary loved me- we had to have him do about 20 documents!!!). Then, I had to take them all down to the Secretary of State downtown to get authenticated.. basically they say they notarize that your notary is approved to authenticate your signature (to prevent forgery). Then, I got everything together & Fed-Exed to our agency to send to Vietnam.

Aug 2007: DTV (Dossier to Vietnam)- we are now officially on waiting list & wait for a referral...

Jan 2008: Matched with a 3 month old boy from Vietnam! :)

Feb 22, 2008: Official referral for a little boy from Vietnam- he is everything we hoped he would be! He is perfect and we can't wait to meet him. I found out at work and cried and called my husband and Eric & Krista. I told all my co-workers and we were all so happy. We got pictures, medical report and birth certificate. We accepted his referral over the weekend.

Feb 25, 2008: Fed-Exed paperwork to accept referral

Feb 28 & March 31, 2008: Final payments due for adoption

March 31, 2008: send in I-600 application (petition to apopt an orphan from a foreign country)

April 2008- waiting for I-600 application to be filed....

We are now waiting for our I-600 application to be filed, once its filed, we have to wait to be approved by Vietnam. Once we are officially approved, we will be able to travel to pick up our son!

Why International Adoption?

After IVF failed for the 2nd time in Oct 06, we decided we had enough of infertility treatments and the drain on our finances. We had strongly considered embryo adoption and were offered embryos from a close friend. But, we decided against it b/c I was through with disappointments. I wanted a "sure thing" even if it meant waiting longer. I just couldn't go through with either failure to get pregnant or worse, miscarrying again. Idid a lot of research on embryo adoption, domestic adoption, foster adopt, and international adoption. We chose international adoption b/c we felt it was our best chance of having a healthy child and more of a sure thing- not a matter of if, but when. With domestic adoption, statistics show up to 50% of birthmothers change their mind at the last minute. I just couldn't deal with that. Mentally, I couldn't deal with failure to get pregnant or miscarrying again- so that ruled out embryo adoption. As for foster adopt, we chose not to b/c we have talked with many parents who have had a rough journey... either the birth mom wants the child back, or the children have behavioral problems, etc. I didn't want a situation where we would love a child and then the child would go back to the birth parents. Also, we are older parents and felt that international adoption was our best chance of having a young child. I'm not saying international adoption is easy and may not be for everyone- but it seemed like a good choice for us.

I joined some Yahoo chat groups and researched international adoption on the internet. We went to an informational meeting by Children's Hope International (an adoption agency). I contacted many adoptive parents to learn their experiences with adoption agencies, different countries, etc. After choosing to adopt internationally, our first decision was to choose a country. If you had asked me 1-2 years ago if I would be adopting from Vietnam... I would have never thought so. There are several reasons why we chose Vietnam.... First, China's wait was too long (now up to 3-4 yrs from start to finish). So, China was eliminated as an option. We are an older couple and didn't want to wait that long. Plus, I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter and I wanted our children to be closer in age (if possible). We are too old for Guatemala and South Korea. So, that eliminated those countries. I didn't like the way Russia & Kazakhstan did international adoption. It didn't seem very trustworthy and they didn't take good care of their orphans (IMO). The children seemed to have more problems than I wanted to deal with, and I heard of some adoptive parents having some big issues adopting from those countries. Through process of elimination, we were down to Vietnam or Ethiopia. At the time, Ethiopia was still not officially open to international adoption- so we wanted a little more stable program. We both felt very confortable with the culture, race and country of Vietnam. From the information I got from other adoptive parents, most of the children in Vietnamese orphanages are well cared for and have less attachment disorders than other countries (like Russia & Kasakhstan). And, of course, they would adopt to an older couple. So, Vietnam it is.

After choosing Vietnam, we then had to pick a homestudy agency and international adoption agency. Again, I researched the internet, contacted adoptive parents through Chat groups (APV- Adoptive Parents Vietnam)and by phone, and spoke to friends who have adopted internationally. This helped us choose our agencies. We chose Oasis Adoption Services in Tucson to do our homestudy. They came highly recommended and we had a great experience with them. We chose VORF (Vietnamese Orphan Relief Fund) as our international agency. We chose VORF b/c of their humanitarian work, shorter wait times, good reputation, great Vietnam facilitator (GT Le), and good references (I contacted at least a dozen people).

This all took place Jan-Feb 07. After our failed IVF in Oct O6, I decided to just let things be for a few months to allow myself time to grieve about not having my own biological child or getting pregnant again. In my next blog, I will write about our adoption process this past year....

"You can always adopt"

After reading this, you may never utter the words "Well, you can always adopt" like it was some simple thing to do. I have heard those words so many times when I was going through infertility. I didn't really like it. Although adoption was an option for us, I was not ready to give up my dream of having my own biological children. Also, for many women with infertility problems, many men are unwilling to adopt. Its either their genes or none at all. I know, I've talked to many women in that position. I had to go through ALL the treatments and diagnostics before I was ready to go down the path of adoption. To be honest, I will tell you, getting pregnant and giving birth is WAY EASIER than trying to adopt. We are now very excited to adopt our son from Vietnam, but it hasn't been easy and we are still waiting. Now, all the questions and statements have just changed.

In the beginning, I heard these Q's / statements almost daily...

When are you gonna have kids?
Any kids yet?
If you just relax, you'll get pregnant.
If you just go on vacation, you'll get pregnant.
If you adopt, you'll get pregnant. I have a cousin/ aunt/ friend/ friend of a friend... she adopted and then got pregnant.
It will happen, don't worry.

After our daughter was born, most people said same thing ON A DAILY BASIS...

When are you gonna have another one?
Don't you want more kids?
Are you gonna give Devin a brother or sister?

Those are hard questions to answer both to close friends, family and strangers without opening a can of worms.... How do you answer that when you just had a miscarriage and are struggling with surgeries, daily injections, doctors appts??? So, you answer simply, "We hope so" and leave it at that. Who wants to burst out in tears at work or in the grocery store and tell someone all about their woes?

Now, that we are in the adoption process, we hear...

Why don't you adopt a kid from the US?
Have you got him yet? (That one started literally one month after EVEN deciding we wanted to adopt- we hadn't even started our homestudy. Who do they think I am, Angelina?)
When are you going to get him?
What's taking so long?
And, of course, my favorite, " I bet you'll get pregnant now that you are adopting".

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind answering some questions. Its sometimes hard when the same question is asked 10x a day. I do appreciate it that people care and are concerned. I do appreciate that they are interested. Sometimes, I'm not sure if they want the whole answer (sometimes a lengthy answer) or are they just being polite? Like the question, "How are you?" ... do you really want to know or are you just being polite...?

Ok- my next post, I will go into the actual logistics of international adoption...

My First Post

OK- This is my first official blog post. Many family and friends thought it was a good idea if I start a blog of my journey with adoption and infertility. I should have started a blog many years ago.. but I didn't even know what blogs were back then. Anyway, as you can read from my profile, I have been on a journey for many years to have a family. I have always wanted to be a mom since I can remember. I have actually had a list of kids names for about 12 years now... way before I got married. When my husband and I were dating, we both said we wanted 2-3 children. We didn't want an only child since we were both from a family of 6 children. We both felt our brothers and sisters were a very important part of our lives. It is the first marriage for both of us and we started a little later than others... I was 32 when we got married and my husband was 42. Since we got married a little older, we started to try and get pregnant right away- that was the summer of 2001. I will post more later on my infertility journey... that could take a long time to write!!! Long story short... I got pregnant with my daughter 2 1/2 years later via IVF and had her in the summer of 2004. After my daughter, I got pregnant once naturally, but the fetus died about 9 weeks later and have not been pregnant since. I have tried many infertility treatments since then, including IVF twice with no success. This has led us to international adoption in January 2007. We decided to adopt from Vietnam and signed on with 2 agencies for our adoption. We used Oasis Adoption Services for our homestudy. We are using VORF, Vietnamese Orphan Relief Fund, as our agency to adopt a child from Vietnam. We got a referral for a little boy in February 2008 and are now awaiting the filing of our I-600 (Petition to Declare an orphan from another country as an immediate relative). Once that is filed by our agency, we have to wait until its approved. Once its approved, we will be able to travel to Vietnam to pick up our son. We anticipate traveling some time this summer. We have named him Kyle and are very anxious to bring him home. He is now almost 5 months old in an orphanage in Vietnam. I can't give specifics or pictures of him on this post, as he is not "officially" our son yet until we got to Vietnam to adopt him. Well, that's all for now....