OK...my son is whiner. We have had him a little over 2 months now. On the whole, he has adjusted very well.... he is sleeping through the night fairly well now (some nights better than others). He is well attached to us... there lies the problem. He is VERY attached to me. He whines for me A LOT. He also does this to my daycare lady (both my kids go to a small homecare when I work 3 days a week). I can tell it is wearing her out... it does me too.
He is very clingy. I understand this is somewhat normal in adopted kids. However, we have to be able to put him down. He doesn't do this to my husband, her husband or my daughter... just me & her. I have another daughter who also needs A LOT of attention right now. And, I work and have to do every day activities (go to the bathroom, help my daughter when she goes potty, get her dressed / hair brushed, etc). I do sometimes carry him in my bjorn or backpack.. but it hurts my back to do it all the time. Sometimes he will get over it in a minute or two and move on. Sometimes he has an all out temper- tantrum. He smiles and is happy as soon as I pick him up. I realize he wants me to hold him all the time.. but I can't. My bio daughter did not do this so I don't know quite how to handle it. I realize he needs extra love & attention & we have not had him that long.I am told by other adoptive parents that he is not fully attached yet... but attaching and needs the extra TLC right now. They say this phase will pass and that I just have to get through it... I hope so. If I discipline him at all when he throws a temper tantrum (he does sometimes when I change him or dress him)--- I give him a stern "No"...he gets very hurt and tears well up in his eyes. I guess they lines are fuzzy for me b/c he is adopted... Also, he does not do this all the time but some days it really wears me down. When I give him full attention ... he really is a great kid and lots of fun. But, if I don't give him full attention when he wants it .... he just whines and whines...
Don't get me wrong... I love him with all my heart and he is a fun kid. He is a joy to have around a majority of the time. He is almost walking now - he can walk 5-6 steps at a time and uses the walker like a crazy man. He can say Mama and Dada and Ba (ball). He is still small~ 18 lbs and in 6-12mos clothes. He loves his sister and the wrestle and play together a lot. He is eating all the small finger foods and will eat almost everything I offer them. Well, that's what's going on right now...
2 comments:
Hi Traci. I'm going through my Google reader, trying to catch up. I know this phase isn't easy, but like you said, it will pass. I very much agree with the other parents who told you that Kyle is in the process of attaching. Some kiddos seem to cling and others (like mine) refuse to be held, but really, both require effort to attach in a healthy way. It's pretty exhausting whichever end of the spectrum you're on. I'm so tired and run down right now that I'm not entirely sure which way is up. The past ten months have truly worn me out! I'm trying to get back to my old self (the one that had personal time to do things like shower regularly and make it to the gym, the one that was 18 pounds lighter (!)). However, they were so worth it. I know that we don't have any other kids - it would certainly have made it more difficult. I guess all I can say is hang in there because there is a light at the end of the tunnel. All of the effort you put into the process now will pay off a hundredfold in the future. If you ever need anything, let me know! We're not too far away.
Hi Traci,
My daughter is the same way. She whines if I don't put complete attention on her all day. She also has to have both of my hands on her face. She gets a death grip and won't let go. When I go shopping I have to push the cart with my elbows because both my hands are on her face. She always has to be touching me. Sometimes I feel like I can't breath. It has been a year ago tomorrow since we adopted her. I guess none of us know what these little babies really go through. They get abandon by the bio mom then abandon by the orphanage. I guess they are just afraid that the one person who has loved them the most is going to go next. I really don't have any advice to give but just wanted you to know there are others dealing with it too. It gets much better however. My daughter will now play in her room as long as I close the gate. If the gate is open she is velcro'd to me. It took me quite a few months for her to slowly learn to play in there. The DVD player we brought also helped in her learning to play by herself. Plus maybe you could put him in the playpen while you put attention on your daughter or cook dinner. My daughter never had problems with the playpen as long as I was in the room. I really hope it gets better for you. I followed your journey to Vietnam. You have a great family and I love your blog.
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